Numb.

I remember staring into her dark eyes. I wanted to tell her to get up!

Let me help you!

Stop crying and let your life go on, but that is the thing when you watch people hurt themselves over and over… It is like a scary movie.

You watch it repeatedly until eventually it is no longer that frightening.

You do not feel like you should hide under your covers or close your eyes.

You just watch it nonchalantly.

Like the person on the screen is not about to be murdered.

That’s how this is. You try to help. You try to change them or change their outlook, but they just keep drowning.

You throw them a life vest, but they refuse.

Then when the waters get rough they come back…looking for your arm to hold onto, but you do not feel the urgency anymore.

It is no longer terrifying to sit here on your worn out red sofa with your mother as she contemplates if life is worth it.

It does not shake you that tear drops as big as rain are falling from her bloodshot eyes.

It seems old.

Like that movie you have seen a thousand times.

Nothing changes.

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